INTJ Me

Have you ever taken psychological personality tests? Yes, I know what you think, and what you think is that those tests cannot be trusted. Of course, we cannot eliminate our uniqueness and difference from one another. We developed our own personalities as we grow older, but believe it or not, barring all those occasional disparities, we may be able to find those who are actually quite similar to us. That girl or boy next door to you may just have the same attitude with you.

The main thing here is that personality tests are designed to make you able to recognise your potentials and weaknesses, be alert to your surroundings and people in that environment and how they relate to you, and understand the things that make you tick or freak. Personality tests are of course not a 100%-correct judgment of your lives, but in many cases, they can be pretty correct, just like the one that I did. It is a website known as 16personalities.com and it will tell you on your type of personality based on a number of questions.

So, I did mine, and my personality turned out to be one of INTJ, that is Introverted-Intuitive-Thinking-Judging. INTJs are among the rarest personality there is. Just about 2% of the world’s population are INTJs. Basically, I’m a unicorn haha.

Instinct and theories play a large role for INTJs. INTJs are well known for their curiosity and desire to gain knowledge and are readily happy to share the information they know with other people (sounds just like me). If INTJs wants to do something, they will focus on that something properly and execute plans or strategies that will help them to achieve it. INTJs are resolute in analysing their environment and being rational and logical. They will do anything to keep their theories or stances intact if they feel that they are right (based on what they read or experience), but if they are given new opinions or ideas that are quite true, they can adapt themselves and receive the new views gladly. Honesty and open-mindedness are the virtues that INTJs find to be important. Also, INTJs like to have some ‘me-time’ with themselves (I do). They can be really private, mainly due to their introverted nature.

Nevertheless, the weaknesses of INTJs can be quite detrimental. INTJs can be quite narcissistic and arrogant or look at other people as mere peasants, especially if those people are not doing things properly (well, can’t say I don’t feel that way haha). Judging other people? Well, INTJs can’t help it. The good thing about INTJs pursuit for plans and strategies can be bad as they strive to be perfect, in fact a bit too perfect in many cases. They will always question themselves like a lot and are likely to overanalyse every single thing that they do (I do that a lot and it frustrates me). Besides that, their penchant of being honest causes them to be insensitive to other people. INTJs emotions are generally not as well developed as the other personalities.

What I do learn from the test is that in many ways, I should try to improve myself, especially in aspects where INTJs fail the most. Why don’t you try it?

Percy Jackson and the Greek Gods by Rick Riordan

Percy Jackson, half-boy, half-god, and one whole dramatic queen when he describes about… wait for it… Greek gods. Duh, what else would that demigod talk about anyway? Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson and the Greek Gods is a collection of short stories, but they are not really Percy’s short stories. If I may put it, the short stories are basically ancient Greek mythology being retold by Percy, and boy, Percy makes a really good storyteller.

“Greek mythology? It’s boring!” you said. You know what? Pray that Zeus won’t zap those butts of yours. Greek mythology is a serious matter and there are thousands and thousands of stuff related to Ancient Greece out there, be it stories of gods and goddesses, creatures, demigods and mortals. I won’t be surprise if Giorgos Sampanis is a demigod… (okay, haha, he’s not… Who’s that you ask? He’s a really awesome Greek pop artist. Yeah, a Malaysian listening to a Greek artist. What gives?).

So, this novel is mainly about the creation of the Earth by the Protogenoi or the primordial entities, the first entities that come into existence, followed by the Titans, and finally (and this group plays a large bulk of the book), our peaceful, people-loving Twelve Olympians… okay, I’m just kidding. They are not peaceful or people-loving. Many other gods and goddesses and heroes and immortals and mortals and nymphs and satyrs and giants and… well, a lot of stuff is also touched by Percy.

Honestly, knowing Percy Jackson from his original series and the sequel series, Heroes of Olympus, Percy is never, never, never a guy who likes to be serious (unless when he’s fighting, wielding his Anaklusmos or bidding the water to do his commands). Rick Riodan always makes Percy Jackson likable with his wit and attitude. We don’t learn much about Greek mythology in our schools, and usually the teaching of History subject in our school system is ughhhhh, but Percy, with all his sass, sarcasm, funny anecdotes, and rather ingenuous dialogues manages to bring the stories of Greek mythology in an all-around fun and comedic manner. Forget those Homer or Herodotus-styled prose. Percy is a modern kid, and like a modern kid he brings to us these tales. He even employs a little bit of dramatic license. I mean, of course, they didn’t have cell phones, Facebook, One Direction, or Justin Bieber back in Eighth-Century-Before-Common-Era Greece, but you can bet that the mythical characters all behave like they live in the current time. It’s a totally hilarious, non-boring way to learn about Ancient Greek myths. Me? I’m smitten with Percy, so yeah… uhhhhh, moving on…

Of course, I need to tell you that Greek stories can be a bit, mature I supposed? Besides, we’re talking about Greek gods here. So, expect rape, or murder, or incest, or revenge, or just about anything bad, but as usual, Percy Jackson (and Rick Riordan) describes those acts in a total family-friendly manner. Also, there are some community messages and really good advice on life, because hey, these Greek tales are also stories of human endeavours, failures, mistakes, and triumphs. Ancient tales are reminders of our way of living, even if they are told in a highly super-exaggerated manner involving immortal beings.

Speaking about ancient tales, Greek myths are a bunch on messed-up stuff! From this novel, I learn that Greek gods and goddesses were born out of every imaginable way you can think of (heck, I even think if bread toaster existed during those days, maybe a Greek god would be borne by jumping out of it. God of Toasters… think about it). Also, be prepared to be changed into either plants or animals of you ask for help from the gods. Don’t forget that they like to kill humans who do wrong things from their own perspectives, even if the humans are actually innocent. Oh one more thing, the book is HEAVY!!! I felt like asking a satyr to hold it for me while I’m reading it.

Anyway, this book is a whole pack of smart-arse-ness courtesy of Percy. Pick this thing up and sacrifice a cow, or maybe a goat, or a chicken or… you know, I’ll just leave it to your own decision.

Leopard!

Leopard hat

…and I am so happy because I finally found one after years of search! Blerghhh~!

Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith. This book… this damn book! I knew that this novel is about giant insects destroying the human civilisation. I knew that the main character is torn between choosing his girlfriend or his good friend. I read this book expecting it to be… well, a good read.

And then, everything changed when the Fire Na… wait… that’s not it. I mean, my perception of the book did change, and changed it did, like a lot! The book is rather bizarre. Well, basically this is the kind of book that you’ll get if you combine stories about a sexually-confused Polish-American boy known as Austin Szerba, testicle-dissolving corn, a secret experiment gone wrong that resulted in human-size praying-mantis-like creatures that are sex-crazed and love to eat people, a small town in recession, and possibly the highest number of mentions on teenage horniness you've ever read in a novel.

Teenage horniness… trust me when I say the other books that you read before only have like 1.999% of the words semen, sex, horny, boner, and everything on par with those words. Like, I know teenagers have raging hormones (I’m a student teacher, I know what my students feel…), but really, Austin is like a dynamo, I don’t think he has ever had a day where he doesn’t feel… perk up after he reached his puberty. This is not the kind of book you would categorise as family-friendly, especially for those young uns’.

Like I said, it’s bizarre. I mean two-headed babies and testicles in a globe-like container? Of course, you can’t forget the large praying mantis. They only know how to eat and copulate. These insects are the annihilators of humans worldwide. Pitbull can forget his Mr. Worldwide title because probably those insects might have chopped his head off during their own world tour.

Austin Szerba is a Polish-descended horny boy (I mentioned that before), and he smokes cigarettes. I don’t care about his sexuality, but really Austin, that boy could not make up his mind that he’s a bisexual. He’s quite funny, with his sometimes mundane or peculiar explanations and views of stuff, but I like it when he talks about his family and friends, and I like that everything in his life is connected like a spider’s web, a chain-of-events, because I totally believe in that, a butterfly’s flutter in Gaborone, a raging storm in Montreal sort of thing. There were times though when I wondered on how he manages to actually know about the things happening in like what 150 years ago involving his great-great-grandparents up to his grandparents, you get the idea. He’s really omniscient that way, way too omniscient. But hey, that kid knows, so…

Austin has a friend, Robby, and Robby’s a gay. Their relationship is typical, only that in many cases, Austin seems to deny that he loves Robby, which is of course what you would do if you’re in a relationship with a girl. Austin’s girlfriend is Shann, and as much as I want to believe that Austin really loves Shann and vice versa, I could not help that Austin is using Shann for his own pleasure. I don’t really feel the love between them… it’s more like lust. Anyhow, together they live like the usual American teenagers in Ealing, a town that’s facing recession. Truthfully, and I don’t kid you with this, I felt claustrophobic reading this novel, mainly because of Ealing’s deprived, dreadful conditions (it’s not that bad, but hey, my mind likes to exaggerate stuff, yeah, that brain). To make matters worse, Austin and Robby may have caused the insect-infested apocalypse.

The writing of the book is quite slow in the beginning, but after the first 100 pages, the pace begins to pick up. The book has a large number of flashbacks and history lessons courtesy of Austin, and he likes to repeat certain things (and I don’t just refer to his hor… well, you know what, I stop writing that). Of course, Andrew Smith managed to weave in his wonderful prose to the book, making simple things to hold a higher meaning than what we always think. Also, the book is gory (I haven’t mentioned that, have I?). The way those insects copulate and eat are, how shall I put this, explain rather ‘thoroughly’ that I may not look at praying mantises the same way again. Again, this is not a family-friendly novel. But really, the explanations of the bugs are only introduced during the last 1/3 of the book. It bugged me (bugged, see what I did there haha) as I was itching to know about it earlier. Nevertheless, the book ends with a quite hopeful resolution. Although the book is about apocalypse and experiments and underground bunker and big insects, it is not really a sci-fi oriented story. The novel hashes teenage plotlines of self-identity, relationship, and the human life. Andrew Smith does well in describing Austin’s indecisiveness and troubles in life. If you read Winger, you’ll vouch on that.

Grasshopper Jungle is a really non-traditional book. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure some conservative schools out there will ban the book for you-know-what reasons. Some of you readers may not appreciate its unusual plot, but for me, this highly strange convoluted novel is quite a ride. It may not be the best book I’ve read, but it sure is fun and funny and in many times, my brain managed to do 360 degrees rotations… Read it, and feel free to feel the same. You know what I mean.

The Elements of a Tome

Tomes are magical, really. You take a book from your shelf or your table, open it, dive yourselves into the words and with the power of imagination, you’re transported to a whole new place. Your souls and hearts and minds are now resided in a disparate world but you and your physical selves are still here. It’s like being in two places in one time, connected yet separated by the thin veils of papery leaves.

While reading is certainly an experience for the mind, how about the other small things that we barely notice while reading books? How about the feelings of having the tip of your fingers caressing the pages of your book? The smooth sheets beckon your fingers to nimbly flip it, so that you won’t do any damages to the paper. Paper is such a fragile element, but its rather short permanence makes it much more valuable.

The rustling sounds that the pages of paper make as you turn them one by one, aurally inviting as you continue your adventure in words. The sounds are like music. The pace changes, always, depending on how fast or how slow you read a book. When you get excited, suspenseful, anxious, the sound comes like a fast flowing tempo. When you savour the most intimate moments, the part where the characters are at their most vulnerable, damaged state, the part where emotions are abound, the rhythm of the paper slows down.

Have you ever smelled your books? I just love the smell of new books, old books… okay maybe books of all ages. You just can’t get enough of it. The smell of books is caused by a natural alcohol found in woods that is known as ‘lignin’. Old books will generally have a sweet wonderful scent of faint vanilla and grass. Lignin is the natural aroma of woods, the natural aroma of books. You can’t get any better than that and it is aptly fitted to the fact that books are the food for your soul.

As books grow old, the pages started to yellow, and you may notice the blots and patches of rusty colours here and there. We call those patches ‘foxing stains’. On the downside, it is a sign that the books are deteriorating, a normal process, yes, but certainly not a welcomed one. In a way, however, I love seeing those marks. It shows that the books are growing old, just like how we are getting older and older every single day. I’ll make sure that my books will stay with me as long as I live.

Books are my treasures. The words inspire, the stories enthrall, the bound pages held either by threads or glue are the guardians of our imagination. For eons, books have worked for us, for eons to come, they shall stay that way.

Violence

The vine-covered walls imprison sounds
the cobbled ground barely makes sounds as
the boy walks slowly through the street.
It is midday. The boy looks up, in contrast with
the mud-coloured walls, dusty brown road
the sky is an open sanctuary. If this is a dream,
it doesn’t feel so bad to die in a sleep but this is life.
Red pomegranates in a plastic bag, a football
under his left armpit, short cut jeans
a shirt white as jasmine, a smile and a quick dash.

      These all
           “A boy killed —” one headline says
                                                   cease to exist

Violence creeps like termites devouring wood

until only faint traces of the living can be seen
the headline doesn’t say this:
                                      “A boy is in a sanctuary.”

I Could Really Use

I could really use
lying on a beach
feeling the damp sand
on my back
tasting the salty breeze
on my lips
I could imagine
the heavenly bodies
twinkling relentlessly
against the night sky
were a million ships
shifting slowly across
a vast dark ocean
I lie there
I stretch my two arms
two majestic wings
and I soar aimlessly
above the ships
that is what I feel
body on the ground
head over the clouds

A Bear

I made this as one of the décors for my hostel room. You won’t burn your pockets making one. The things that you need in creating this décor frame are a cardboard frame, superglue, a string, a puncher to enable you to hang the frame, and some decorations. For this one, I use a teddy bear keychain (with the chain removed), a wooden letter (A to represent my name), a printed map of constellations as the background, and two little wooden hearts. It doesn’t cost more than RM15. Hey, you can be creative in every way you want to.

You Could Have

It is a cold, damp morning. We sit beside each other under the canopy. You are looking at your book, trying to remember the little details that seem to be important. Water drips from the drenched canopy roof, hitting your book. You look up, sigh, and rearrange yourself in a position that is now closer to me. I sit silently, watching your face, trying to not let you know about it. Even in my fear, there are too many things about you that just pull me in. You look like you are contemplating on something. I may not know what it is, but I know that I am in love with the way the light shines upon your face, soft and warm even in the gloomiest of days. You mumble things, saying how you don’t understand a heck the book is saying. I laugh. Not because it’s funny (well it is funny), but because I love hearing your voice. Then you look at me and smile. The way you smile, it’s crooked, it’s not perfect, and that makes it beautiful. I look away, pretending to watch the birds soaring above the clouds. You see our friends, close your book, get up and walk, your steps creating muffled squishy sounds as your shoes touch the water-filled pavement. I look back at you, you never realise that. You never realise how I am in love with you. How I long to say things I’ve been safeguarding for years. How I long, but in the end, I just can’t. My mouth won’t ever form the words. But you need to know this: you could have never stopped me from loving you.

Est Belle

I’ve heard it before
I’ve heard it yesterday
“You’re fat.” they said
Look, look at me
What do I got?
Big fat waist
Large thighs
lumps on my face
“Hideous clothes.” they said
I don’t wear skimpy dresses
I hate pink
Tell me am I wrong
to not be like them?
Wear this, wear that
Don’t be yourself
Be like the rest
Stop enough
Yes I stride like a guy
A proud one at that
Acnes on my face
They won’t stay forever
My teeth are crooked
I still cuss and it feels right
Short hair like a man
I wear it like a crown
“You’re not one of us”
I don’t want to be one of you
I just want to be one of me