I Don't Want to Fade

Inside the very core of every human: the need of being someone meaningful.

I think that’s it. Everyone wants it, more or less.

And

Every night you see a falling star or two, you just look above, and stamp your wish on it. I do say the prospect of wishing to a falling star, it’s kind of romantic. You just hope that some of your wishes will be, somehow, send to the heaven above,

But,

Falling stars, they are just falling, burning celestial rock. They don’t bring some kind of mojo for making a hope to come true, and they don’t bring omens too.

It’s just that, even if you know it’s just a rock, the feeling of having your hopes thrown to the flaming rocks above and wander across the vast universe, it’s just satisfying.

And at that time, you realise that, falling stars do have one kind of good thing: they give you the energy to run your engine, and believe in yourself to rev up and go to your destination.

And I know where’s mine.

But, I know where I am now – a kind of lost, separated maybe. I just need a push, just a light push in the right path that can power me for more than just miles it takes to cover me from A to B.

I know I have the ability.

But, I know that it is still hidden somewhere inside, maybe I realise it, maybe I don’t. Maybe you’ll realise it, maybe you won’t. Maybe we both know it, maybe we both don’t. I think I need a magical spade. I mean, look at me, many times – a lot of times – advices pouring in. I know I can do it, but I still stay the same. It’s just me, living the usual me.

I need to get back in my track. My runner track, it’s becoming more crooked by every minute, and I don’t want it to make me lose myself, becoming somewhat meaningless, a piece of fail junk on the face of the earth.

I want to be meaningful, and as independent as I want to be,

I still need my family.

I still need my friends.

And you know how fragile they are. They can fade into the obscurity, leaving us. Leaving us with no guidance, no signs. All that’s left is us, and if we’re not someone we don’t want to be, I think what’s left is not too good.

I just want to be meaningful, mostly to myself; I mean that’s our priority right?

Still, I really will not leave them out. I still need them.

I still want someone to share my achievement with.

I still want someone to share my not-so-called achievement with.

And

I think, and I think all of us, still have doubts over ourselves.

But in all those things that I’m hoping for, I don’t wish for it to change who I really am. I want them, as added bonuses to me.

I don’t want to change me. I just want to be adequate for what I’m going to be.

A teacher.

And to be frank,

That’s a big word – a very titanic word.

We don’t just serve ourselves.

We are the lifeline of others, and they just need all things needed to move on later in their lives.

And I don’t know if I can achieve it, I’ve been away for too long of a time. Turning back the time is vain, unattainable, and meaningless. To make good use of the future, and be closer, that’s more like it.

No need to reminisce the past.

Remember the future is a good thing to be done.

Well, maybe doubts and fears are not meaningless at all. It’s the risks, being a teacher is a risk that is if we don’t prepare ourselves when the time comes. For me, there are five more years, but being in the wait is not proper.

Be ready.

I’m going to make myself more meaningful [I might just add here that to have fun sometimes is a good thing too].

I think that’s it. This is long, and kind of corny, so I’ sorry if it gross you out a bit.

But well, it’s just me.