The Tunnel

Empty, void of noises, the air choking, not nourishing, almost like a dusty tunnel only dimly lit by the ceiling lights. I think that fits the situation of my soul. I look at both ends of the tunnel. Nothingness. I wander aimlessly, with my hands touching the filthy wall. I’m lost. Anywhere I turn, I only see desolation, the horizon seems to far. I don’t even have the might to run. Have I lost my faith? Have I lost the belief that I can get myself on the right track?

I know one thing: I am ruined. So ruined that I don’t even know how to get the scattering pieces and build myself again, all body, mind, and soul. I destroyed myself and I continue doing it with every action that I take. I let myself to dream on false wishes, wishes that only serve to destruct my soul. I don’t try to be better. I am losing faith on everything that I used to believe.

I just want to run, run away from this tunnel I’m living in, break free from the chains weighing me down. I am afraid of the darkness. It seems to be never-ending. I can see a faint ray of light at the end of the blackness, but I can’t reach it. Why can’t I reach it? Is it because it’s too far or simply, I don’t want to chase it? That’s the reason, perhaps. I want to change, but I make myself weak. I tell my mind “Don’t do it. You’re already destroyed. Nothing can change you.”

I play pretend. I am still pretending. Somehow, I don’t think I’ll ever leave this place.