LBN

So, I went to Labuan for the first time a few days ago, and it was awesome… I mean beside the fact that it took three hours by a ferry to get there from KK, but yeah, Labuan was awesome.

Went to a number of places in Labuan, although I must say, we actually took a historic tour of the island, which I rather like because I am a bit history-freak. I also tasted satak and siput tarik for the first time here. Satak is a type of seafood that resembles lobster, and all those satak that I ate were yummy. The same can be applied with siput tarik [I mean, they were yummy too, not that they’re related to a lobster.]

I love my all-Malaysian trips!

Surrender Point, where the Japanese and Australian troops signed the peace agreement to end the war

Labuan War Memorial, where almost 1800 people, ranging from Commonwealth army to prisoners of war are buried

The monument of Peace Park, the park is a gift by the Japanese government

The monument located at Labuan War Memorial 

The famous and still mysterious Chimney

2013's Written Words

Hi there!

It has been a great couple of days because I got to eat delicious food in one of my favourite places in Kuala Terengganu, Tappers Caffé on the Block in Little Chinatown, and just now, I made [well, I helped more like it] a delicious apple crumble with custard sauce… but this post is not about food… or my appetite… or the fact that I will never reach the 50kg threshold even if I glut myself.

This post is about those blended corpses of trees with written tattoos on them, a.k.a. novels, my [other] favourite things to have. I’ve read a number of novels last year, and frankly, I still have a lot that I have not finished. Well, that’s what certain book addicts do, read old books and buy new ones in the same time. Why can’t books be cheap?! Why?!

Anyway, here are the novels:

Jhumpa Lahiri’s The Namesake

Okay, this is not a new novel, and honestly, I am not into Asian [or Asian-American] literature that much, but this is a novel that makes us think about what it means to be who we are in a fast-modernising world. Are we defined by our names, our background, or what we think of ourselves? Identity is more than a name.

John Green’s Looking for Alaska

I am an avid fan of Green. He’s an amazing storyteller, and Looking for Alaska proves that. An amalgam of Green’s great penchant of tingling humour and heart-wrenching prose, Looking for Alaska brings us honesty, joy, and at the end, teaches us that the ones we love do not always last long, but the love can. The last words we say mean a lot to everyone else.

G. Willow Wilson’s Alif the Unseen

This novel is just pure magic, a blend of modern computer science and Arabian myths. Alif the Unseen is a view into the tumultuous life in the Middle East, but at the same time, it’s also a window to the unknown, a world beyond our very senses. Sometimes, even the things that we have seen all this while can have more than one thousand and one meanings.

Tom Clempson’s One Seriously Messed-Up Weekend in the Otherwise Un-Messed-Up Life of Jack Samsonite

How’s that for a title? Fortunately, the hilarious and true-to-real-life anecdotes of the crude, crazy, and heroic (or so he thinks) Jack lives to the novel’s title. Really, the book is funny, and somehow, I think what Jack Samsonite does or thinks is reflective of many other inner workings of teenage boys.

Robyn Schneider’s The Beginning of Everything

Ezra, golden boy-turned-wreckage, what’s more symbolic of the teenager-y life that that? OK, this book is funny even if the plot’s a bit whimsical, but it shows that a glimmering past can be a detriment if you hold on to it when it cannot be gained anymore, but a tragedy that ends the past may not be the end of your life. Letting go is the best thing to do.

David Levithan’s Every Day

A resides in a human body for 24 hours and then moves on to another person, but A cannot control that. So, what’s A to do? And what’s A gonna go when A loves a girl? A is like us, we don’t know where our lives will take us, and oftentimes, we are even searching for the real meaning of our existence.

Okay, actually, I still have a few more books, but let's just stop here now. That's all folks!

2wentythre3

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling twenty-three~!

The Time

If all these stuffs from UiTM do not make me realise who I’m going to be soon, I don’t know what will. The time for me to be a teacher [okay, a trainee teacher] is coming fast. Three months in school practicing what a real teacher should do - all those admin work, teaching the students, becoming a supervisor for events or co-curricular activities - it is a challenge that I should take seriously, I will do my best to be a good teacher to all my students. English is an important subject in the Malaysian curriculum.

But hey, I must not forget to have fun with it right? Teaching is what makes me feel fun and accomplished. As a student before, I feel happy when I could comprehend and perform a task or an activity taught by my teacher. Now, I am pretty sure I will feel the same when I watch my students do the same. I know becoming a teacher is not an easy task, but I know I can do this. I’m going to do this!

Macbeth a la Mafiosi

So my class has finished our two years in Shah Alam, but not without a ‘bang’ – a bang in the form of a Shakespearian theatre that is. The theatre was a part of the assessments for Introduction to Shakespeare, but I’ll say, we had fun doing it. I really did. We did a Mafiosi version of Macbeth, interspersed with references to Thor. We even made Mjolnir for Heaven’s sake. Haha~If there is one thing that I did not expect, it was that I exaggerated the way I said “my Padrinooooo~”. It made the audience laughed.

Anyway, I will always remember this. Besides, I have the video, so I can watch it again and again haha~

I made the poster~ Wheee

Told ya~

I was Angus

As a bonus I edited this photo

The Chapter

These past two years in Shah Alam have been a roller coaster ride for me. I’ve learnt a lot of new things, academically and non-academically, made a lot of new friends, read a huge number of books, studied more Shakespeare than I’ve ever did before, known more about myself, but most importantly, getting ready for the most vital upcoming chapter of my life.

It’s the last day of 2013, and I have come to a realisation that separation is a bittersweet event. Why? Because I may not see all my IPG Kota Bharu friends for a long time. We’ve Gayarians have been with them for such a long time, and even though all of us might have made each other mad, or or crazy, or annoyed, one thing that is certain, in the end it’s the friendship and love among us that matter the most. I’m going to miss them all, but now, it’s time for me to lunge myself forward.

2014 will be the year where one thing will be imminent: the prospect of being a teacher. I have a fear of letting down myself and my students, but I don’t want to be pessimistic. This is a challenge that I must accept with open heart and mind and soul. I know I can do it, and I will prove it. Like what I’ve thought before, all things are coming to their rightful places and the reality starts to kick in. It’s going to be a ride of my lifetime.

But in the superior words of everyone who’s amazing on this Earth: Challenge Accepted!

The Creature

“There is a creature out there.”
and it comes
in nature invisible
it cuts the skin
crawls inside
makes a nest that grows
and grows and grows
“Make it die, make it die!”
but how can I make it die
I am raped to such intensity
my body is its temple
I am my own coffin
as long as the creature lives
“Let it out!”
let it out how so deeply
I want to let it all out yet
my flesh feels like a fence
keeping it in
keeping everything else out
lives still lives still
my Heaven
I’m buried in my made-hell
I’m buried and I’m so scared
the creatures lives still
in light and devours away
even the dimmest glimmer
I have
hopeless a beggar
for a monster
“Alone and scared.”
only the creature keeps me
company

The Days After

I used to believe that everything would be okay when I reached adulthood. All those days of bitter fights, bullying, mistrust, and self-pity that used to linger when I was small would vanish. I used to believe that my weaknesses would fade away, only to be replaced by a stronger me. No one would come and knock me down again.

How wrong I was.

There are days abound when I am feeling like I’m being trampled on, and these days happen not just because of the acts of other people, but the worse impacts come from my own wearied, self, wearied heart, wearied mind.

Scars that are visible on the surface are still tame whet they are laid side by side with the cracks that tear open the heart and confuse the mind. Other people’s words are far dangerous missiles than fists or kicks. Words are invisible bullets piercing so deep, and sometimes get embedded for the rest of one’s life. Paralysing you, that may happen.

I just sometimes want to hide from everything. Fighting is not an option because in the end, I don’t care about the words anymore. I realize that being an adult doesn’t magically erect a barrier that stoppers me from faults, self-hatred.

We grow, and we got hurt. Oftentimes, too many hurtful things close our hearts and we start the cycle of hurt to other people. The days of childhood, when a fortress built with pillows seemed impenetrable from the enemies, when a field was an entire world. When colour pencils were the wands that change our thoughts into realities, those days are all but over, only to be bitterly replaced with something we all can live without.

Something that we could live without, or is it something that we can’t really live without? Maybe that depends on which side you’re going to: the left or the right. Maybe, those childhood days are still waiting to be alive again.

The Tunnel

Empty, void of noises, the air choking, not nourishing, almost like a dusty tunnel only dimly lit by the ceiling lights. I think that fits the situation of my soul. I look at both ends of the tunnel. Nothingness. I wander aimlessly, with my hands touching the filthy wall. I’m lost. Anywhere I turn, I only see desolation, the horizon seems to far. I don’t even have the might to run. Have I lost my faith? Have I lost the belief that I can get myself on the right track?

I know one thing: I am ruined. So ruined that I don’t even know how to get the scattering pieces and build myself again, all body, mind, and soul. I destroyed myself and I continue doing it with every action that I take. I let myself to dream on false wishes, wishes that only serve to destruct my soul. I don’t try to be better. I am losing faith on everything that I used to believe.

I just want to run, run away from this tunnel I’m living in, break free from the chains weighing me down. I am afraid of the darkness. It seems to be never-ending. I can see a faint ray of light at the end of the blackness, but I can’t reach it. Why can’t I reach it? Is it because it’s too far or simply, I don’t want to chase it? That’s the reason, perhaps. I want to change, but I make myself weak. I tell my mind “Don’t do it. You’re already destroyed. Nothing can change you.”

I play pretend. I am still pretending. Somehow, I don’t think I’ll ever leave this place.

Northern States' Trip

Hey ya’!

It’s been a long time and I’m already in Week 8 of my sixth semester. Two months left before going back to Sabah. How time flies. Anyway, I had a really fun time during my holiday a few weeks ago. My friends – Ajit, Jace, and Zell – and I went to Kedah [that includes Langkawi] for five days and also spent an entire day in Penang. We went there [Alor Setar to be precise] because we wanted to complete two assignments for two different subjects, but hey, since we were in Kedah, might as well we crossed the sea and enjoyed what Langkawi has to offer. By the way, that was my second time to Langkawi. The first time I went there was when I was like 2 years old.

So, where did I go? Lemme remember… Sultan Ahmad Shah College [that’s for our assignment really, but the school was so colonially cool!], a couple of historic places in Alor Setar, Paddy Museum, National Science Centre Northern Region Branch, Mount Mat Chinchang [Cable Car of course!], Langkawi Wildlife Park, Pasir Hitam and Cenang Beaches, island hopping in Beras Basah, Singa, and Dayang Bunting Island, Kek Lok Si Temple, Penang Hill, Fort Cornwallis, ate ABC at the famous Penang Road Teochew Penang Chendul, and took the ferry ride [also for the second time in my life].

Here are some photos of our trip!

In front of the main (colonial era) building of Sultan Abdul Hamid College.

Sultan Abdul Hamid College in Alor Setar, Kedah was built in 1908. I love the colonial architecture of this school. 

Balai Nobat is where they keep the Nobat musical instruments when they are not in used. The instruments are mostly used during Royal ceremonies. 

On top of Mount Mat Chinchang, Langkawi. The cable car ride was so exhilarating! 

 A pier made from coconut trunks and pieces of wood at Pantai Pasir Hitam.

Island hopping in Langkawi. Here, the boat was approaching the mythical Dayang Bunting Island. 

Dayang Bunting Island's hills. 

 The symbol of Langkawi, the majestic statue of the Brahminy Kite at Eagle Square.

 The pylons of Penang Bridge. I love the long ride over the strait on the bridge.

Deliciously sweet ais kacang from the famous Penang Road Teochew Chendul Restaurant.