I’ve found a way to lose myself. You are an imposing edifice, grand in your scale, with thorns and an overgrowth of plants circling your periphery. Still, I sneak in through a little opening, and there, I stumble upon your heart, pulsating with sounds that rebound here and there. Your heart is a maze with a way in, but I’ll never find the way out. And somehow, I don’t wish for a way out. I just want to stay inside until you realise, one day, this one anomaly breathing under your skin.
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
Just as I started dreaming, you came and shoved me away like I was a piece of paper
I fluttered carelessly, brought away by the wind, uncontrollable as I saw your eyes, flickered with a fire that began to flare; like a paper I was… I was scared that I would burn to soot with a single touch, but your fire was dazzling, even in the dim night, like glorious fireworks pulling me in like an insect.
That was yesterday. Today [and since the time I first saw you]:
You gave me a thousand reasons on why I should live, but I’m still not one of the reasons why you should live, but I hold on. I cling to a thousand hopes that you shall see through the curtain that divides us... that I am [still] waiting, but those thousand hopes are really a million lies that I’ve created.
A million lies that show how in this wait, I shall be burned to the ground, only to be one again with the soil, and be gone.
You won’t remember me.
Expectations are all around us, both good and bad. All these expectations may make us, or in other cases, break us. People expect us to work well, people expect us to finish their work, people expect us to get a higher mark in exam that everyone else, people expect us to know everything.
It’s hard to say ‘no’ to what other people ask from us sometimes. We just allow ourselves to do it. We just do what other people want us to do, and while doing it, we are afraid of achieving anything that is unsatisfactory. It is our fault if they are angry if the things we’ve done are not good enough.
We just follow, even if we feel as if their expectations are some kind of burden on our shoulders. We follow it, even if in reality, we yearn for this to stop.
Scribbled by Afiq at this time: 22:56
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
Friday, 17 August 2012
Wednesday, 15 August 2012
So, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon is actually not quite new. It was first published in 2003, and I only knew about this book a few months ago, heheh. This is a mystery novel that deals with a 15-year-old boy named as Christopher Boone, who has Asperger syndrome, although throughout the book, he never explicitly states his medical condition.
Christopher is very much unlike other people. He knows very little about dealing with other human socially and emotionally, but try give him an A-level Math test and he will surely answer it for you. This novel is a recount of Christopher’s life-changing journey that begins when he acts as a detective trying to uncover the mystery behind the killing of his neighbour’s dog. Eventually, he learns the truth that goes beyond that seemingly little incident that shakes his entire existence with his father and mother.
One thing that I like about this novel is how it tries to convince us that this is really written by Christopher. You won’t find ‘Chapter 1’ in this novel because there is simply no ‘Chapter 1’ in it. Christopher likes prime number [open your form one’s Math textbook] that he begins the story by naming ‘Chapter 1’ as ‘Chapter 2’. The book also intersperse the main plot of the story with some other things about Chris’ day-to-day life, you know things like A Graph about Time and Space, Patterns on the Wall, an Ad about Malaysia [yes~], Marilyn vos Savant, and Occam’s Razor, these are just some of them, and I thoroughly enjoy all these academic things. What interests me is that the sentences in last half of the novel begin with ‘And’,
but I only
notice that on my second read. I guess Christopher suddenly likes ‘and’ a whole
lot too much?
Anyway, this is an interesting novel, with lots of humour and twists and unknown things that will make you flip the pages faster than answering a question involving right-angled triangle.
Monday, 13 August 2012
You don’t need physical items to hurt people. Most of the times, the most excruciating way to cause pain in someone is through words. Words hurt people in matter of seconds, and in many cases, when they have been uttered, there are no other ways to take them back. In many circumstances, we just throw our words without realising the true manner of everything that we say. Emotion clouds everything else: our mind, our judgment, our manner. We hurl bad words like a boxer throwing punch after punch to his opponent. In the condition of defending ourselves, we also attack others, sometimes, even people who are not associated with the problem.
Why can’t we use our words wisely?
Why can’t we use our words to heal people? To help people got through any untoward conditions in their lives? To make people laugh? To tell that awesome news that everyone waits for all this time?
Scribbled by Afiq at this time: 22:00
Friday, 10 August 2012
Wednesday, 8 August 2012
We are our own worst critic
Sometimes, we fail not because of outside influences, but because of ourselves. We think our accomplishments are insignificant or useless when compared with the rest of the world. We will never be as good as anyone else: we condemn the paintings we drew, the food we cooked, the prose we wrote, the furniture we created, the examination we encountered, the relationship we have, the work we’ve done.
In short, our life, according to us, is a series of faults.
We’ve broken our hearts and minds by not trusting in our capabilities, intelligence, creativity. To us, they are not on par with the others, but what if anything that we’ve done that we think is as bad as the Friday song, is actually great in the eyes of other people?
We just need the confirmation of other people to know that we’re actually capable and good enough, maybe even better than anyone else. Maybe, just one person that says ‘hey, you are really good’, and then we’ll see ourselves in a new light.
Granted, we will never be satisfied, we think we can do better, but hey, if other people believe is us, why not be happy?
Scribbled by Afiq at this time: 18:25
The situation: people say things that we don’t like, we retaliate.
That’s how humans are made, well, some of us anyway. The best way to defend ourselves and to put an end to the outrage is by saying other spiteful things that are targeted to that person. Then, the same thing occurs all over again... and voila… we shall have a catastrophe, or at least, an overblown hatred.
Some people are just ignorant. I won’t say ‘born ignorant’ since people are made to learn new things, but some of them are too shallow and never spend time to do anything useful that can at least encourage their brains to have better IQs. Thus we have all-grown-up people whose stupidity is even worse than a child.
So, will it be better for us to stoop so low to their level that we find ourselves flaming them with the same attitude? I’ve seen instances when a certain individual stated their erroneous perspective towards a certain thing/people/entity. People who were offended by that statement certainly reacted to that, but to see they did the same practice in retribution was quite sad.
Wouldn’t it be better to educate these individuals rather than having the matching attitude? Saying that we are better than anyone else and then diminishing the importance of other people are just plain wrong.
We have flaws, we have strengths.
Scribbled by Afiq at this time: 15:37