Of Elevator and Butterfly

It's time to face the truth.

What truth?

That in four months, I'll be leaving the age of innocence [yeah, right!], the teenage years, and become an [young] adult, which is not I've been expecting in the recent years. I just cannot, well, accept the fact that I'll be 20 real soon. 20 seems to be a huge number, a number with a lot of responsibilities.

I know, being teenagers, we just like to have fun, we just like to not be given hard and demanding tasks, not just any 'simple' college work, but things related to our lives. Every moment that we had is filled with those joyous occasions, and then, suddenly, here we are, in the brink, leaving this short, fun [and sometimes confusing] period of life, and in front of us, is a new, large world. We lean on our parents, on our friends all this while, but all of that, they are going to end, I'm not saying that we cannot lean on them, but people, the adults now look at us, as part of them, and they want us to stand on our feet, and try to resolve everything, big or small, beginning with our own selves, to look on ourselves in depth, to try and imagine things from an adult perspectives.

A lot of times, we do bring our traits from the past, benign and lethal, to our future. I know I'll bring lots of them. I have this feeling, a feeling of inferiority that is inside me since I was small. I live with it, and sometimes, that inferior feeling merged to the surface, and made me wonder, am I suitable enough to be what I want? It made me wonder, do I really will be successful or at least be useful to the community and myself in the future? It made me wonder, I'm a douche-bag sometimes, don't I? I'm afraid if I would live throughout my 'adult' life with no more than my own self, nothing to live for, nothing to be respected for, nothing to be proud of. If you search through the crapstuff list, you'll see my name. I know I'm not mature. Deep down, I still wish that I live in 1990s or at least in my secondary-school years

In the same moment, though, 20 is just a number. 20 is just a number to show how long we have stayed on this earth. 20 is a number of maturity, when we are likely to have discovered that it's a land of opportunities out there. We are a part of the working, moving, hectic world. We have evolved and we are in an age where we need to be respected for who we are but of course, we work to let others know that the respect we get is well earn. 20s is an age of maturity. Even if we are not mature, we can still learn, for learning don't stop when we reach a particular age. I have a sense that I may not be so mature enough in my 20s but what's life without some immaturity. We can still have a little, or a bit more, part that are young, like a kid. If our 20 is successful, by our own terms, not others, it become a sort of a realization that our hard work during our young years is really good. We did the right thing in ensuring our path is right on track.

Yeah. 20 is a large number, when we think that it is just like yesterday that we are in schools. I still think about it. Still, 20 will come, and 20 too, will end, and then we'll be in our so-called middle age life [and crisis], which might be more challenging. Why? Because we realise we are not really young anymore. In an instance, we might find ourselves to have grandchildrens, or maybe have the title of great grandparents. That's far ahead in our life, I might add here.

Well, maybe venturing into a new territory is frightening, but if we prepare ourselves very well, it should be a breeze, not at all times since you might gravitate towards a different choice when the other is right, but making choices is a learning process. More so, life's like an elevator, the elevator goes up, the elevator comes down [David Archuleta's song lyrics]. You find yourselves in a wrong floor, or end up in the wrong lift, or press the wrong button, but in the end, if you know your destination, you'll end up, where you want to be. Life's is like a butterfly, it evolves. No matter how ugly it was in the first place, later it will be something colourful that we'll cherish.

Life is still fun, go and just be young-at-heart, it's not a restricted thing, just not be too young.

Perhaps in four months, a better life emerge from the hide, who knows?