(Aussie, Kiwi, and Brit flags at Kundasang War Memorial)
I have come to a realisation [not really… it came to me years ago] that I talk too much… in Malay that is. Well, before another episode of ‘I look stupid when I talk in Malay’ happens, let me say that what I mean here is that as a TESLian, I converse a lot using my native language.
Of course I had set my goal that I would speak using English anytime soon, but it seems that it is not going anywhere. Some conditions kind of stopping me from doing it.
The reasons: I’m not convinced with myself. Yes, I like to write in English, but conversing with others using it is a whole different matter. I am afraid that my grammar would be tumbling all around [or tunggang-langgang… haha]. You know how I performed during TESL Night... wakaka. Honestly, of course people say ‘try first. Grammar will come sooner or later.’
The second cause, embarrassment. If people around you speak in Malay, will you speak in English? Suddenly the others turn to you with those weird faces if you have the guts to
Britishspeak them… or it could be me who feels that. I’m so not blaming others here because one of the culprits is me too. When are we going to do this?
Maybe I should just go with the flow.
It’s just English, not some sort of carnivorous monsters [monsters are supposed to be carnivorous, isn’t them?] I’m facing with. People know I’m not a native speaker, need to build self-confidence and be comfy with it first, and then the language will be proper, I think.
Besides, one thing that I can be sure about, talking in English doesn’t make you forget who you are. It’s not like one day, I’m talking in Terengganuese Malay [actually I don’t know how to speak Terengganuese dialect … I’m not a good example for Terengganuese out there] one day and Cockney-accented English later forever.
*It’s bloody rubbish ain’t it?*